Russell Lloyd Zimmerman

(July 04, 1922 - May 27, 2011)

I felt strangely calm after reading Ryan's text that Pop had collapsed while doing yard-work....

(Wasn't I supposed to feel more shock than I felt; wasn't I supposed to cry...?)
(...(... you know...,) those sorts of thoughts....)

After all, Pop was my grandfather... (... my own kin!!!).
... someone I've known since I grew old enough to recognize the importance of people other than myself....

Growing up, I always thought it was so neat to celebrate my grandfather's birthday & the 4th of July together....

But---(as I grew older)---my 4th-of-July plans didn't always include Pop....

In later years, I attached other experiences to the holiday... (... & to Pop...).

For example...,
... the life of Henry David Thoreau....

In 2002, I celebrated our nation's independence at Walden Pond... (... where Thoreau moved on July 4th, 1845...).

So, even though I didn't always celebrate the 4th directly with Pop, but---(because of his birthday)---he was with me in spirit... (... wherever I was, or whatever I was doing...).
... & then---(whenever I did get back to PA)---he was there....

(Same-old house; same-old Pop....)

... like Thoreau, a man who shared some connection with a plot of land... (... &, by proxy, the Earth...).

On the day of Pop's death, my dad told me Pop had recently done some work on the mower & was back to mowing the yard himself....

He loved taking care of that yard... (... something I always remember about him...).

Also like Thoreau, Pop was a man of his own....
... a man of deep rational thought....
... an inventor....
... a hard worker....
... & a man who enjoyed Life's simple pleasures....

In Pop, I also recognize a military man....
... a soldier born on the Fourth of July....

He was someone who served his nation in a time of darkness...,
... & who---(afterward)---enjoyed living peacefully in the post-World War II era....

However, it's the earlier recognitions of Pop that I miss the most now....

For me, Pop was always the gentle giant standing quietly at family functions....

(... that is, until I joined him up there in the stratosphere....)

... but, that's another topic altogether....

(... an essay about the genetic inheritance of lanky legs....)

... & big ears....

(... relevant here only as cosmic connections shared between the two of us....)

... physical reasons for receiving the cosmic news of his death....

For me, this happened as I climbed the steps to go in my front door....

The strange Pacific-Northwestern weather had issued one of its occasional sun-showers....
For some reason, the meteorological moment reminded me of Pop....
... understandably so, considering the text Ryan sent about his collapse earlier that morning....

That day, I had already thought about Pop more often than I might have on any other day....

But, something felt different about this thought... (... a moment of realization in the mist & sunshine...).

As I opened the front door, my cell-phone began ringing... (... Ryan calling...).

I stepped inside to answer it... (... & entered a world in which my grandfather had ceased to live...).

Immediately, the calmness of earlier began cracking....

I began considering how everyone else would take the news....
... Pop's children....
... his other grandchildren....
... even his great-grandchildren....

I cried as I told Emily... (... something akin to Grandma's sadness of a missed mate...).

I cried later when my dad answered Grandma & Pop's phone... (... & he told me about the heart attack that struck Pop to the ground...).

A day or so later, I cried some more while writing in a sympathy card... (... to mail to Grandma...).

A few more days later, I called Grandma to wish her a Happy-as-could-be Birthday... (... & had one more cry for the spirit of her missing soul-mate...).

Really, the only consolation I have taken along the way is...,
Pop died doing something he loved... (... tending to his own patch of the Earth...).

He died trimming the grass along the edge of the driveway... (... one aspect of his death that I had no problem accepting...).

The coroner said Pop probably died quickly too... (... another acceptable aspect of his death, considering the long, good life he lived before that death...).

And now---(pretending to cram scattered thoughts into one simple piece of writing)---I find myself strangely compelled to talk about Pop in elemental ways....

In his frequent silence, he often seemed like a wise man... (... his wisdom broken only by the occasional moment of clumsiness...).

(... another quality we share through genetic inheritance....)

However, Pop's clumsiness was of the innocent kind....
... underestimated words... (... the intelligent thoughts of simple man living in a complicated world...).
... or, the occasional moment of physical entropy... (... like the memory I have of him leaning his back against a wall, only to knock some decorative kitchen gadget from its perch...).

I am usually young in my memories of Pop...,
... but---(despite being youthful memories)---I still manage to recognize the honest innocence of those clumsy moments....

... which is why---(now that I'm older & mentally more like Pop than I was in my early years)---I understand more fully the power of his ways....

(... & how that mental power must've eased his return to a silent state of wisdom....)

... yet one more reason why Russell Lloyd Zimmerman is, was, & will continue to be the grandfather I remember so dearly....

(May you rest in peace, Pop!!!!)