27 May 2011

Russell Lloyd Zimmerman

(July 04, 1922 - May 27, 2011)

I felt strangely calm after reading Ryan's text that Pop had collapsed while doing yard-work....

(Wasn't I supposed to feel more shock than I felt; wasn't I supposed to cry...?)
(...(... you know...,) those sorts of thoughts....)

After all, Pop was my grandfather... (... my own kin!!!).
... someone I've known since I grew old enough to recognize the importance of people other than myself....

Growing up, I always thought it was so neat to celebrate my grandfather's birthday & the 4th of July together....

But---(as I grew older)---my 4th-of-July plans didn't always include Pop....

In later years, I attached other experiences to the holiday... (... & to Pop...).

For example...,
... the life of Henry David Thoreau....

In 2002, I celebrated our nation's independence at Walden Pond... (... where Thoreau moved on July 4th, 1845...).

So, even though I didn't always celebrate the 4th directly with Pop, but---(because of his birthday)---he was with me in spirit... (... wherever I was, or whatever I was doing...).
... & then---(whenever I did get back to PA)---he was there....

(Same-old house; same-old Pop....)

... like Thoreau, a man who shared some connection with a plot of land... (... &, by proxy, the Earth...).

On the day of Pop's death, my dad told me Pop had recently done some work on the mower & was back to mowing the yard himself....

He loved taking care of that yard... (... something I always remember about him...).

Also like Thoreau, Pop was a man of his own....
... a man of deep rational thought....
... an inventor....
... a hard worker....
... & a man who enjoyed Life's simple pleasures....

In Pop, I also recognize a military man....
... a soldier born on the Fourth of July....

He was someone who served his nation in a time of darkness...,
... & who---(afterward)---enjoyed living peacefully in the post-World War II era....

However, it's the earlier recognitions of Pop that I miss the most now....

For me, Pop was always the gentle giant standing quietly at family functions....

(... that is, until I joined him up there in the stratosphere....)

... but, that's another topic altogether....

(... an essay about the genetic inheritance of lanky legs....)

... & big ears....

(... relevant here only as cosmic connections shared between the two of us....)

... physical reasons for receiving the cosmic news of his death....

For me, this happened as I climbed the steps to go in my front door....

The strange Pacific-Northwestern weather had issued one of its occasional sun-showers....
For some reason, the meteorological moment reminded me of Pop....
... understandably so, considering the text Ryan sent about his collapse earlier that morning....

That day, I had already thought about Pop more often than I might have on any other day....

But, something felt different about this thought... (... a moment of realization in the mist & sunshine...).

As I opened the front door, my cell-phone began ringing... (... Ryan calling...).

I stepped inside to answer it... (... & entered a world in which my grandfather had ceased to live...).

Immediately, the calmness of earlier began cracking....

I began considering how everyone else would take the news....
... Pop's children....
... his other grandchildren....
... even his great-grandchildren....

I cried as I told Emily... (... something akin to Grandma's sadness of a missed mate...).

I cried later when my dad answered Grandma & Pop's phone... (... & he told me about the heart attack that struck Pop to the ground...).

A day or so later, I cried some more while writing in a sympathy card... (... to mail to Grandma...).

A few more days later, I called Grandma to wish her a Happy-as-could-be Birthday... (... & had one more cry for the spirit of her missing soul-mate...).

Really, the only consolation I have taken along the way is...,
Pop died doing something he loved... (... tending to his own patch of the Earth...).

He died trimming the grass along the edge of the driveway... (... one aspect of his death that I had no problem accepting...).

The coroner said Pop probably died quickly too... (... another acceptable aspect of his death, considering the long, good life he lived before that death...).

And now---(pretending to cram scattered thoughts into one simple piece of writing)---I find myself strangely compelled to talk about Pop in elemental ways....

In his frequent silence, he often seemed like a wise man... (... his wisdom broken only by the occasional moment of clumsiness...).

(... another quality we share through genetic inheritance....)

However, Pop's clumsiness was of the innocent kind....
... underestimated words... (... the intelligent thoughts of simple man living in a complicated world...).
... or, the occasional moment of physical entropy... (... like the memory I have of him leaning his back against a wall, only to knock some decorative kitchen gadget from its perch...).

I am usually young in my memories of Pop...,
... but---(despite being youthful memories)---I still manage to recognize the honest innocence of those clumsy moments....

... which is why---(now that I'm older & mentally more like Pop than I was in my early years)---I understand more fully the power of his ways....

(... & how that mental power must've eased his return to a silent state of wisdom....)

... yet one more reason why Russell Lloyd Zimmerman is, was, & will continue to be the grandfather I remember so dearly....

(May you rest in peace, Pop!!!!)

19 May 2011

cunctipotence

For years, I've been wanting to read this article again....

Well---(tonight)---I finally did the 5 seconds of work necessary to find it....

Cunctipotence: Elemental Female Potency


Enjoy!

14 May 2011

Saturday the 14th

Yesterday the 13th was not particularly un-lucky for me....


Sure, I encountered some forces that were stacked against me---(forces which did spark strong feelings of frustration)---but because it happened on a Friday the 13th, I was eventually able to overcome the negativity of a "holiday" (& consider the situation from a rational, self-respecting point of view).


... nor do I wish to promote the omnipresence of rational thought....


(In fact, quite often, I consider the ways We---(as a nation )---realize the lasting effects of Our emotional ignorance....


(... Us having the wires crossed in many, many ways....)


... rationalized bullets-&-bombs when We want to be positive... (... & territoriality when We want to be negative...).


What's wrong with emotions when We want to be positive... (... & rationality when We want to be negative...)?


Creativity seems like better company for positivity... (... & solitude for negativity...).


(... as opposed to thoughtless obedience....)

(... on both counts....)


But, that's beside the point....


(... or is it...?)


Dun...,

... dun...,

... daaahhhh!!!!


03 May 2011

r.i.f. osama bin laden (1957-2011)

After hearing Jon Stewart's commentary, I agree that---(if there's a Hell)---Osama Bin Laden is roasting in it....

(Doesn't mean I have to agree with how he was sent there....)

I simply don't understand life in an uber-militarized nation....
(I grew up in England... (... where people choose to be polite...).)

As Stewart moved from the funny first five minutes into the emotion-laden material, I even found myself beginning to justify the personal nature of the killing....
(... that the U.S. government had---(at least)---killed Bin Laden with a personal touch....)
(... with a bullet instead of a bomb....)

By the end of the show, Jon Stewart's demeanor had fully embodied itself in two of his closing words: "Pure id."
(I wasn't disappointed or surprised though....)

... because, I'm sure---(without experiencing the same)---that the human id is gravely affected by skyscrapers collapsing in a nearby neighborhood....
(... not that I can relate....)

When the events of September 11, 2001 reached me in Australia, I had just gone to bed....
(... having already lived most of my September 11th....)

Em & I were near sleep when her mom called to tell us what was---(at that very moment)---happening on the other side of the world....

(Thus, my id cannot properly relate to that of a contemporary New Yorker....)
(... nor the People who lost loved-ones on that day....)

Having said that, I can't seem to get past the point that Our own militarized nation was partly responsible for creating Osama Bin Laden... (... to commit systematic murder...).

... & that Our own militarized nation has now destroyed Osama Bin Laden... (... with more systematic murder...).

...which means the People should share in the blame... (... for permitting a government that creates monsters...).

(But, hey....)
(If it helps to pretend....)
(Go on & pretend that Bin Laden wasn't once human....)

I see the murder of Osama Bin Laden---(& the resulting celebration)---as confirmation of what Jon Stewart admitted to:

Pure id....
... proof that U.S. Americans have officially known the id-rattling effects of terrorism....
(...giving them reason to forget the destruction that their own nation has created elsewhere....)

(... & maybe now---(with the eventual closure of 9/11 in motion)---We can begin to reconsider some of those bombs we drop on other Peoples...?)

Stewart's wise-crack about the erect State of Florida was more accurate than he realized....
(... the unconscious, sexual nature of Our nation's military phallus....)

After tonight's Daily Show, I wonder---(even more than before)---if the killing of Bin Laden will offer any more closure than an unsatisfactory prison execution....

(Or...,)
(Maybe We'll continue thinking with our erect inventions...?)

I do not wish to imply that Jon Stewart was off his game tonight....
(... nor that he was unjustified....)

In fact, his thoughtful interview with the guest would suggest surprising rational function....
(... despite his id-charged emotional state...).

I only wish to admit that---(having been disappointed last night by Obama's predictable victory speech)---I merely wanted Jon Stewart to give me some hope tonight....

I wanted him to ponder the life & death of Osama Bin Laden as I do....
(... namely, one more reason to reconsider the military-industrial complex....)

(Then again...,)
(I wasn't even in the country for 9/11....)

Luckily---(for my sake)---I had underestimated the fool that remained....

(Thank you, Mr. Colbert....)

... which leaves only the matter of Osama Bin Laden's remains....

...

And so---(to you)---Osama Bin Laden... (... currently roasting in flames...),
I say this:

May you soon be cleansed of your human nonsense....
(... & the human nonsense inflicted upon you & your neighbors....)

... so that the U.S. American People may sooner move on....

(... & discover the errors in Our own practices....)


Cheers,

da zimdog