28 October 2008

Florida voters

To dispel some of the myth surrounding Sunshine State voters, I share with you now Obama's deep understanding of the important Floridian vote:

When I read the words "MY VOTER PLAN," I assume that means I'll have spaces to jot notes about the state and local amendments. Not so. In case you can't read them, the flyer asks me to plan my vote by checking one of the boxes:

[ ] Before work
[ ] During lunch
[ ] After work
[ ] Other

So, basically, I'm a Floridian heartbeat. I know this because my vote-able heart beats with glee when I cast my eyes upon the other side of the flier:

Cant'cha just feel the chipper birds singing the sunny-shade tune of Obama's day out with a perfect nuclear family?

Don't get me wrong. Neither McCain nor Palin is an option. I'm only wondering whether I should feel insulted by Obama or terrified by American expectations. These sorts of mailers smell like wasted money to me. Do candidates still deem this sort of bullshit necessary, or worse yet, is this the clincher for some Floridians?

Of course now I'm talking about those Floridians whose voter plans consist of checking a box so they can remember when they might be able to fit the foundation of democracy into their work schedule. Let's see. Do I wake up early, vote instead of eating, or get home late?

And what of the "Other" box? To tell the truth, I was considering voting Nader--or "not voting" as the sound-bytten mass public calls it. Maybe Barack Obama believes so strongly in democracy that he wants me to write in another candidate there, or jot some notes on amendments, etc. Given the theft of 2000, I'd me more inclined to believe this Obama flyer was dispersed by a radical covert branch of the conspiring evangelical Republicans of Florida, and they included the "Other" choice and blank line so heathens like me will realize that not voting is an option too.

I actually considered all this until Emily checked today's voice mail messages. We missed a call from Matt Damon, who contacted us on behalf of Barack Obama's Florida Campaign for Change. He wants us to vote Obama too, because "the issues are too important to sit this one out." Now I figure maybe I can check the "Other" box and write in the blank line next to it: Preferably conscious, but not required, as long as I vote for Barack Obama so Nader doesn't steal another one for the evangelicals.


Xander and Alana Cole Faber said...

Wow, dude. You're getting a little, uh, grumpy in your old age. Maybe you should consider retiring to Florida. Oh, wait. Ummmm . . . .

Em said...

I think Florida might be the problem...

Uncle Mike said...

Hey Zim-dog!

I was checking the baby's status today on Emily's blog and saw the link to your's at the bottom...thought I'd say "Hi".

I keep waiting for someone today to ask me aboot voting...which I am proudly not doing (I would vote None of the Above if it were an option). I don't believe in having to choose between one or the other of two crappy candidates. The two-party system makes me so angry. And voting for a third party candidate? No thanks, I'd rather spend my time doing anything else that standing in a voting line. grrr.

Talk to you later!

BTW, Lori had a check up last week and our baby boy is very healthy and strong like bull!

Em said...

Hopefully you check these comments again...Congrats to you and Lori about your strong baby boy!! I am sooooo excited for you two! I want updates!

Anonymous said...

Hey Cory,

Mike tuned me in to your blog about traffic cops and had I to read. Figured while I was here I'd say hello. Take care dude.


uncle mike said...

Hey Emily-

So far so good. He's kicking and jumping all around...mostly at night. =)

We think his eyes must be open also because Lori stuck a light near her belly and promptly got a "hey turn that light out!" kick.

Hope to talk to you guys again soon!

By the way, I'm still waiting to hear what happened with the whole Polo Shirt Constroversy of 2008??? Inquiring minds want to know!